Thursday, July 14, 2011

I think TOO much...

How do you define fear? 
I'm not talking about being scared of spiders or something as silly as the dark...
For me, it's more along the lines of wanting something so bad that you're terrified you won't get it, or achieve it. 

So fear is passion, fear is love

Sometimes I feel like I have too much passion.
I swear I am passionate about everything in my life!
About all the people around me
The nail polish on my toes
And the new Instyle magazine that I've already flipped through a dozen times
I even have passion for a voicemail that I have listened to over and over again
 It's like your heart can only hold so much love that it just starts spilling over.
SO passion and love at some point have to transcend fear

I wouldn't say I have a fear of the future... There are so many things that I want to do and achieve. I'm excited to see where my life leads and who will get to be apart of it.  However, I do fear that I won't live up to my true potential,
 my "Great Expectations", I'm the real life Pip!!
I think I worry too much about what other people expect of me (you guessed it, I'm a worrier). I feel responsible to be a good example to my sisters and to make my parents proud. There's nothing wrong with that...
I try extremely hard to be the person I am suppose to be.
Now lets be honest, I have no idea where this "persona" came from??
The pressures surrounding me? Or the pressures that I put on myself?
It has to be a little of both... they are practically one in the same at this point.

Someone has told me many a times to "Do what you want and be who you are. That is all that matters". So, here I am standing at a crossroad terrified of applying to graduate school because I want so badly to get into a promising MFT program. I could pretty much unroll a list a mile long of things I want so badly... 

I guess it's time to transcend fear & know that being myself is my only
Great Expectation!

Oh and by the way... Andi and I have decided we're going to Europe next summer!!